why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
