textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
