just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
