I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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