I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
