afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
