yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
