i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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