wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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