There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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