I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
