I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
