I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
