I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
