I can't watch pbs sober anymore
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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