THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
