Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
