There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
