The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
