after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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