We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
