im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
