What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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