I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
How external is "for external use only"?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
