just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it hurts more in the daytime
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
