You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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