I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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