if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my shit smells like andre
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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