New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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