Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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