Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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