East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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