I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
