Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm jealous of your bromance
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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