I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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