Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
