i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
