Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
