I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
