Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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