Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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