His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
