meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
