I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
