I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
