I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
