Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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