i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
