Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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