I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
