He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
