i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
