She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
