cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
